DOMINATION: Someone wants to control your every
action. They have to have their own way, and will resort to threats to get it. When you allow someone else to dominate you,
you can lose respect for yourself.
VERBAL ASSAULTS: berating, belittling, criticizing, name calling, screaming,
threatening, excessive blaming, and using sarcasm and humiliation. Blowing your flaws out of proportion and making fun of
you in front of others. Over time, this type of abuse erodes your sense of self confidence and self-worth.
EXPECTATIONS: The other person places unreasonable demands on you and wants you to put everything else aside to tend to their
needs. It could be a demand for constant attention, frequent sex, or a requirement that you spend all your free time with
the person. But no matter how much you give, it's never enough. You are subjected to constant criticism, and you are constantly
berated because you don't fulfill all this person's needs.
EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL: The other person plays
on your fear, guilt, compassion, values, or other "hot buttons" to get what they want. This could include threats
to end the relationship, the "cold shoulder," or use other fear tactics to control you.
RESPONSES: Drastic mood changes or sudden emotional outbursts (This is part of the definition of BPD). Whenever someone in
your life reacts very differently at different times to the same behavior from you, tells you one thing one day and the opposite
the next, or likes something you do one day and hates it the next, you are being abused with unpredictable responses.
behavior is damaging because it puts you always on edge. You're always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and you can
never know what's expected of you. You must remain hypervigilant, waiting for the other person's next outburst or
change of mood.
An alcoholic or drug abuser is likely to act this way. Living with someone like this is tremendously
demanding and anxiety provoking, causing the abused person to feel constantly frightened, unsettled and off balance.
GASLIGHTING: The other person may deny that certain events occurred or that certain things were said. You know differently.
The other person may deny your perceptions, memory and very sanity. (If a borderline has been disassociating, they may indeed
remember reality differently than you do.)
CONSTANT CHAOS: The other person may deliberately start arguments and
be in constant conflict with others. The person may be "addicted to drama" since it creates excitement. (Many non-BPs
also are addicted to drama.)