A poem by 'Ashley Dunn' [Leandra Krueger]
TRUST TAKEN , FAITH RESTORED
I lay awhile in silence, for I awoke in shock and fear.
The medication
subsiding and my mind becoming clear.
I recall his hands upon me and his body pressed on mine.
As the
night events unravel, the tears stream from my eyes.
My husband hears me crying. He asks, " Sweetie, are you
hurt?"
The room grows deathly silent --- then I fear the very worse.
The memories still hazy ---
I felt lost and so confused.
I could see him stand above me videotaping the abuse.
My mind replays the
nightmare. I have never felt such shame.
My Doctor drugged and raped me! --- I will never be the same.
My emotions overwhelming, feeling fragile and alone.
I call and wake my neighbor
and run quickly to her home.
Frantically, I confide in her as I stare in complete dismay....
Wondering
why this all happened --- on that awefull Valentines Day.
Returning home I see my girls both resting peacefully.
But
my heart sank as my mind flashed, yet another memory.
As I tried to fight
sedation and slipped in and out of sleep.
My newborn lay beside me --- almost within reach.
The Doctor
whom I had trusted, without warning then decides....
to sexually assault me with my baby at my side.
Screaming
out in anger, shame, fustration, guilt and grief.
I choke back the lump in my throat and collapse in disbelief.
Sobbing
on my daughter's bed and feeling so naive,
I wrestle whether to call police --- Will anyone believe???.............
I tried to summon courage up to make that frightening call.
Yet humiliation
plagued me and I felt vulnerable and small.
Wondering how I would make it, with my head hung in disgrace.
I
felt God's awesome power and His true amazing grace.
I heard Him softly whisper.....The truth will set you free.
( John 8:32 )
as well as...
I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. (
Philippians 4:13 )
Still distraught and very shaken, I decided what to do.
I would lean on Christ and
follow him..... for he would see me through.
With a blanket wrapped
around me and sitting all alone.
I connected with the dispatch and spoke to them on the phone....
The
police responded quickly -- I met them both in my front yard.
I hadn't told my husband yet
--- I couldn't break his heart!
The next few months were difficult but God was always true.
And
in our weakest moments, it was Christ who lead us through.
With
my assailant now in prison, Life would be easier it seems......
Yet sometimes at night I
tremble and awaken from my dreams.
I can feel his hands upon me..... I can see his frightening
glare.
---- and in those
moments ----
I fall to my knees and cry to the Lord in prayer.
As
I heal from this painful experience and learn to trust again ---
Christ has calmed
the stormy weather that was raging deep within.
I can see the many blessings --- where He held
me by his side.
and although the shore was rocky --- He had calmed the oceans tide.
God has
laid upon my heart for me to share this humbling story,
and may others find strength through it and may Christ
receive the Glory.
Romans 8:28...ALL things work together for GOOD to them that love GOD.
.....learning to forgive..........
